Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
