I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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