its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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