Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
