Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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