i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
