The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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