Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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