If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
