I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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