Midget sex pt 2 tonight
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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