I am puke
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
