walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
