Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
