I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
