I can feel you judging me through the phone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
