Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
