I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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