I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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