So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
only you would photoshop your dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
