I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
