It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
