A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
