So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight