Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need moral support for this bender
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
