someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.