I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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