It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize