You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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