i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
