"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
