you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize