her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
