Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
