Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
