So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
