you're like a bully in the Christmas story
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
