Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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