At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
