God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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