btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
