Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
