so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
