the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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