the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's shark week go big or go home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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