i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
