Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
