So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize