Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
