brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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