Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
50% drunk capacity currently
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
