Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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