When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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