Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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