Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
