Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
