my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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