Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we're so committed to being not committed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
