you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
