I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
