What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
