Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Please don't give away my fajitas
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
