how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
