Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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