batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
